Thursday, January 13, 2011


So I feel like a total emotional girl right now. Why? Because I have this uncontrollable urge to compare myself to others. Most of my friends are more educated than me and I keep thinking I should go back to school. What are my motives for this thought? I mean, right now, my priority is and should be my son, Jasper. This is a time that I am never going to get back, he is so small and will only be this small for a short amount of time. Going back to school can wait. If it is God's plan for me to do so, then it will feel right at the right time.

I had a wonderful talk with some of my church family last night and they pretty much encouraged me to embrace my role as a mother and really enjoy this time that I have with Jasper.

I have faith that God will continue to lead and guide me in the right direction.

I need to stop comparing myself to others and just be secure.

This is easier said than done.


  1. Have you thought about doing some online classes? That way you could stay home with him and still get all the time with him and do your school work while he naps or while Zach is playing with him.

  2. i'm SO there with you right now, girl. it's hard to avoid comparisons. right now, i'm feeling the pull to go to grad school or seminary OR EVEN be a mom like you! but is that from God? or is it an evil move pulled by the enemy to make us feel like we're not good enough?
    praying for you, sister.

  3. I do want to say that my church friends aren't trying to push me to stay home...they are just saying that if I don't feel a peace about going back to school, I can just continue to pray about it, and for right now just enjoy where I am at.

    I am a searcher and I never feel content where I am. I think I just need to learn how to be happy in any circumstance.

  4. Being happy is one of those things that's easier said than done, I think, but in the long run I feel the same way you do: I don't want to miss a moment of Lucy, even if it means I never write again. It's a legitimate fear; moms are superwomen for sure, but we can't do everything, and sometimes this comes at the price of our own personal, private loves and ambitions. This is something I've been coming to grips with lately, so I'll definitely be praying for you, too.

  5. Thanks Lauren. I will be praying for you lady. It's good to know that there are people who know what I am going through.